Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Sara's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, October 13th, 2004
3:42 pm	I don't know what to do anymore...I can't get over the fact that Andy doesn't give a flying fuck about me anymore - I'm not sure if he even ever did... I liked him a lot, hell, it might have even been love, or something really close..And he's gone. He treats me like a girl who was an easy lay and now he doesn't need to be around me. Like I have no feeling. He's the one with no feelings.. I hurt so bad because I can't have him back. And yes, a part of me still wants him back. The rest of me is beating that part of me for still caring about the bastard. But I can't help it. he just made me feel so good and awesome and now that good feeling is gone..and he's the one who took it away. I don't even know how to talk to him. Everyone is saying to either not talk to him or let him do the talking. But it's not that easy. It's so hard to ignore him and that part of me doesn't want to. And he never starts the conversation with me... I just don't want to be hurt anymore, to just rewind and go back to before the pain began...to stop whatever caused this. I can't deal with this anymore. Current Mood: shitty Current Music: my immortal - evenescence (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 19th, 2004
1:38 pm	im so fucking stupid I fucked it up...Andy isn't talking to me... I just dont know when to stop. I'm annoying myself with my own questions.. I feel horrible and alone, I'm soooooooo fucking sorry. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, September 18th, 2004
6:16 pm	I did my best... Never knew, I could feel like this...Like I've never seen the sky before. Want to vanish inside your kiss, everyday I love you more and more. Listen to my heart, can you hear it say, telling me to give you everything. Seasons may change winter to spring...But I love you until the end of time. Come What May Come What May I will love you, until my dying day... Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place, suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace, suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste...It all revolves around you. And there's no mountain too high, no river too wide, sing out this song and I'll be there by your side. Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide, but I love you, until the end of time. Come What May Come What May, I will love you until my dying day... Oh Come What May Come What May I will Love You...I will love you Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place Come What May Come What May, I will love you..until My Dying Day!!!!! Current Mood: alone (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, September 2nd, 2004
5:34 pm	Why does EVERYTHING have to suck ass??? School isn't really what I want it to be, the end of the summer sucked, Andy isn't ever around when I want him to be and we got an infraction...one more and we are out. Grrrrr....I didn't have a good day and now it's gonna be a long weekend. It sucked majorly cuz right as I walked in the door this nasty tension was all over, then Katie showed me the infraction form and we all just got at eachothers throats. Katie was doing her "everyone hates us, they suck" speech, Mom was bringing out her "I'm broke and if we get kicked out, where are we going to live" speech and I just sat in the kitchen trying my hardest not to cry... Current Mood: pissed off Current Music: Down - Blink 182 (Comment on this)
Saturday, August 14th, 2004
4:18 pm	Ok, I just thought I would put in here cuz I never did, but On the 24th of july I got to spend the night at Andy's for his birthday. It was fun and all, there was a bunch of other people there too. And last night I got to meet Andy's uncle. And we spent the night over there. He lives right outside of Fairibult/Medford. It was cool. Andy was such a sweetheart and it was so romantic when we rode up this big hill and the 4-wheeler and there was this clearing; you could see the country side and the sun was shining..it was so awesome. Plus, I was happy I got to meet some of Andy's family...finally. Anyway, went school shopping the other day. I got myself some pants and a really cute shirt. Oh, and some underoos that are all girly and stuff....I'm turning into such a girl - I hate it! I saw The Village the other day. It was good. I didn't like the ending at all but it was okay. Mom liked it though. Ugh, the whole hanging out with Johnny and Joe is making an impact and now I'm listening to more and more Metal/Rock stuff. And I'm getting into the guitar a little bit more. I can sorta play some things but I still suck. Better then some, but still suck. Yeah... Current Mood: good Current Music: Enter Sandman - Metallica (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 3rd, 2004
6:46 pm	...time after time... Nothing much has happened...just working and hanging out with Andy, Nate, Mikey. Johnny is back!!! Yeah! I missed him and didn't really realize it until I saw him. He is so awesome...but it sucks that he isn't gonna go to school here anymore - he lives in Mankato now. Booo! Anyway, McDonald's is closing and that sucks...we're getting a new building and we'll be closed for like 3 months...no job for Sara! Booo! Its August already...wow, where did the summer go? It seemed to be too short again. School starts soon, high school starts soon. I'm excited but scared. Everyone says that it will fun and much better then Junior High, but that doesn't make me fell any better. And speaing of August, Breezy's birthday was Sunday...she didn't invite me to hang out or even stop by. She wanted to see Johnny though, and I went with when Johnny went and saw her. Andy came with too, but that wasn't a good idea. She came and gave me a hug and gave Johnny one too, but she said hi in a snotty attitude and gave him a really bad look. I don't understand what is so wrong with Andy, he's a good guy and I can't see what she would not like him for. I can see why she didn't like Dustin but Andy is different...he's much better. Umm, what else, Family! Right, my uncle's Robert, Michael, and Jim all came along with my cousin Sean Patrick. It was nice to see them all, but now I wanna see the rest of the family that I haven't seen in a while - like GUILLERMO! But yeah... I talked to Josh the other day, that made me happy, he's doing good and he moves soon...to Tallahassee. He wants me to come visit him. And you know what is sooooo awesome about that - I COULD AFFORD TO! Isn't that super.... Well, thats about it. Current Mood: hyper Current Music: all apologies - nirvana (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 20th, 2004
10:42 am	Well, life has been okay lately. A few rough spots here and there, but for the most part - okay. Andy makes me happy. That prolly why I always want to be with him...I like what I feel when he's around. I just miss him right now, its been four days since I've seen him. Anyway, work is going okay. I work a lot so that money is great! But we're closing. We're getting a new building so I'm gonna be out of a job for three months. Grrrr..... My uncles Robert, Michael, and Jim, along with my cousin Sean Patrick are coming on Wed. And the fair starts Wed. too. I really wanna hang out with Breezy then but I doubt we could. I miss her too. Thats, all I guess.... Current Mood: tired Current Music: Nothing Else Matters - Metallica (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, July 5th, 2004
10:22 pm	Well, whats been going on in my life? Lots of shit....sorta. Me and Breezy were being total idiots one day and thought it would be okay to steal some shit from target - were we wrong or what?!?! We both get grounded and it really sucks. Her parents hate me and my mom isnt too happy with Breezy right now. Im sorry for what i did - no one understands this but i am...and I don't wanna EVER do that again. Anyway - I *heart* Andy really super dooper much!!! /he is a sweetheart.... Work is next - I really like my job. Suprise to some cuz I work at McDonalds. But its fun and its money.... Spftball is almost over!!! THANK GOD!! I hate is so much....I like softball but not this softball. Its horrible. And family is here - which is awesome. Betsy is here now, and on the 21st, Robert, Michael, and sean Patrick come. Oh, Jim too. Whahooo! I love it when family comes to visit.... Current Mood: loved Current Music: If you want my body - Rod Stewart (I *heart* this song!) (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 16th, 2004
10:50 pm	How to make a black_smurf Ingredients: 1 part competetiveness 5 parts humour 3 parts beauty Method: Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Add a little caring if desired! Username: Personality cocktail From Go-Quiz.com (Comment on this)
10:29 pm	I guess it's been a while. Well, the most important thing first - I have a new boyfriend. Andy Jeno (a.k.a. Fluf) God, he's a sweetheart. He's done the awesomest things, and he's done more romantic thing in a week then Dustin did in..Ever! He even came with us to New Ulm tonight to watch me play a game of softball - no one asked him, he just hopped in the car with Johnny and Mikey and off we went. And on the way back, Simple Plan's Perfect was on and I was singing it and he was singing it and when the chorus came we looked at eachother and we were both singing and then he kissed me. It was...Perfect! Our first kiss was in the pouring rain with thunder and lighting, it was awesome. And then we made out under the stars (cuz there wasn't a moon). But yeah, my mom is looking for a house. And she can't afford anything so the other day when she picked me up from work, she actually drove through Vista Villa looking for something good to buy. Not that I'd have a huge problem living in a trailer but it did make me feel kinda down, just because we can't afford anything else. Well, yeah. What else, I work a lot now. Not a lot but for a long time. Friday, Saturday, Sunday - usually around 21 hours. Which is a lot. But the money is nice. I love working at McDonald's, too. It kicks ass!!! People make fun of me for it but its so awesome... And we got the cops called on us the other day. We weren't doing anything either. It was Me, Mikey, Johnny, Joe, Cavit, and Abel just hanging out outside and Shari (the land lady) comes over along with a cop and starts yelling at us. For doing nothing - we were just riding around on our bikes and Johnny was skateboarding. She said she hear Johnny run into the garages but he was skateboarding on the other side of the parking lot. It pissed me off so bad though, she yells at us for nothing - grrrrr..... Current Mood: tired, but happy Current Music: Linkin Park - One Step Closer (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 27th, 2004
7:38 pm	Work, softball, Dustin, school...reasons why I'm so fucking busy. I miss time to myself. I realize that I'm the one who took on so much responsablity, but I'm so tired. Worn out... I miss being home, spending time with Mom, myself.. Overwhelming. Anyway, 3 days left of school - YAY! Valley Fair is Tuesday, I'm excited about that. And not excited about High School. I don't wanna go. I sound so childish. I just don't wanna have to start all over again. New classes, new teachers, new locker combo's, new people. Scary! I've been really sad lately, its prolly just lack of sleep and stress, but I don't like it, neither does mom. But thats another thing I have to deal with. K, its not a lot, but I'm tired and don't feel like typing, plus - It's my nieces b-day, I have to go eat some cake and shit like that... (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 5th, 2004
9:47 pm	its been a while...I long while. Almost a month. Well, between school, softball, work and Dustin - I haven't been doing a lot of anything else. Softball is going good...our tournament was last weekend, we got secong place. I work at McDonald's now...yes, I have a job. Even though I've only worked twice - I like it. I hate register, its too f-ing hard. But I'll get over it. And I have a boyfriend. I don't know if I already posted this. I really like him...I'm not sure why - How bad does that sound, we have almost nothing in common and he's not a good person, but I *heart* him. No one else likes hiom which doesn't help butI don't care. Uh, Tina is 19 now, her birthday was liek 2 days ago. And she's getting kinda big, bigger anyway. Umm, what else... I miss Guillermo! A lot! And I miss Josh and Mariano...I want them all to come this summer but I doubt any of them will. *tear* BOOOOOO! K, I can't think of anything else to write about. Current Mood: hot Current Music: I Ran - Flock of Seagulls (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 15th, 2004
9:11 pm	Our first softball game was tonight. It was okay, but, I did get injuried. I was hit with a softball, on my ankle, the little part that sticks out, yeah thats a tenden. So, it hurts like a bitch to walk...But, I'll live. Breeay pissed me off so bad today too. She said that I was hanging out with "bad people". I realize that the people I've been hanging out with aren't model people she thinks I should be with. But, who the fuck am I gonna hang out with then. Before, I was all alone, no one...Breezy was too busy with Matt so I had no one. And I complained, A LOT! And she would get pissed off, she told me to find some friends to hang out with...she told me to meet people. Well, I did..and she disapproves. She said I need to grow up again. That was a little out of line. She just doesn't understand that she's one of the reasons I hang out with who I hang out with... Current Mood: bitchy Current Music: Naughty Girl - Beyonce (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, April 10th, 2004
3:42 pm	Nothing real important has been going on lately, I've been hanging out with Jane in Vista Villa a lot. Mom is getting so pissed with me because of it. I am always late. I'm just happy I'm having some fun - it's about time...a month ago, I sat on my ass alone all weekend. Now, I'm doing something with someone. It's nice. I do have to admitt that I am getting in more trouble then ever, I guess the people that I'm with all the time makes that difference...but ph well, I like those people. Better than nothing. Tonight is gonna rock - IM SO GOING TO WEIRD AL!!! Nate couldn't get anyone to go so he invited me! YAY... I *heart* Nate. He's awesome.. Current Mood: blah Current Music: Usher ft. Ludacris and Lil John - Yeah (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 30th, 2004
7:38 pm	Wow...it's been a while. I guess I've been ashamed of my self and my actions lately that I dont really want to write abou them. I just don't know what's happening to me the past few weeks. I'm doing things that I'm always complaining about when other people do them. I just don't understand. I think my "bad side" is wanting to come out. Just when I thought I had everything straightened out, I go and fuck up. I think even Mom is seeing a change in me - I'm not as responsibly and relient. Anyway, we've been moving furniture around because we've been getting carpets washed. It takes a lot...and now Mom wants to rearrange everything. Our couch isn't very light... Current Mood: exhausted Current Music: Im listening to a vaccuum cleaner...grrr, the noise (Comment on this)
Monday, March 22nd, 2004
6:06 pm	just go away... Jenny and Christa won't leave me alone - they call and come over and its annoying. Jenny thinks she can fix it all, make it all right again. Not going to work! And Christa keeps saying shes changed and things would be different again. No, they won't, why can't she understand that!? I don't want to be mean, but if this goes on any longer - I give up, and anger will be used. Anyway, there was another fight. This one was Danny and Rigo being idiots and beating the hell out of eachother. I got so mad - I just couldn't watch, and it wasn't worth trying to stop it...I don't really feel like being a bitch. My day was going okay, but now I just feel horrible. Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: Come What May - Moulin Rouge Soundtrack (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 21st, 2004
7:34 pm	This weekend was Katie's birthday...so people were over all weekend long. Friday, Jane and Kelly came home with us and we all hung out here until Abel and Rigo came over. Abel was supposed to be fighting Hector (gag me) so we went over to Vista Villa to watch. On the way over there, we met Johnny and Danny. They came with us...and I kinda got upset about it. I still like him, and he apparently doesn't feel the same way anymore. Im such a fucking idiot. After a while of being there, we decided to come back so Abel could warm up and ice for his thumb. He jammed it pretty hard. By the way, the fight sucked, they boby-boxed for ten minutes. I was kinda happy that was it. I just couldn't stand being around Johnny especially since he was flirting with Kelly the whole night, I needed to leave. Jane and Kelly came with and I lost it. I don't really know what happened, but I gave up in a way. We walked over to a guys house named Dustin Fette. Jane knows him or something. Anyway, he offered a smoke and I took it. I guess I thought it would feel better if I did. I was gone - I wasn't Sara, the one who can't stand smoking. After that, Johnny and Danny came looking for us - Abel got so pissed at us for smoking. They talked with us, I wasn't as upset, and we walked around Vista Villa. It turns out, Abel told Katie and she got really pissed. Kelly left about now. By this time I was so pisses at myself, I was ready to die. I started to cry...and I just couldn't stop. Jane tried to comfort me. She went over and chewed out Abel for being an ass, then went and yelled at Katie for being a bitch. I walked home, alone, crying, and called Josh. I wanted to call Mariano - I usually talk to him when Im upset -but Josh had called earlier so he was the one to call. I felt so bad sitting there telling him about how miserable my night was. But, he helped, and we talked about Tina. Yes, my older sister is pregnant. After we were disconnected, I decided to straighten up the living room. And I just went to bed. Saturday, Crystal, Kelly, Jenny, Christa (gag me again), Abel and his crew, all came over. Some of us started walking to the Bowling Alley, some of us got a ride...when we all finally got there, we waited for Jose, Johnny, and Danny to get there. Some of us bowled a game, others were running around and got kicked out for loitering. I know - stupid. We started walking back to eat and hang out here. We rented some movies: Freddy got Fingered, Spectre, and American Nightmare. Besides Freddy, the other two were stupid. Jane, Kelly, Crystal and I went over to Abel's to dance and listen to music, Breezy came right as we left. It was fun, we danced, and hung out - Abel's Mom and all of them were in the other room getting drunk. When we got back, we just finished movies and went to sleep. Everyone left around 9:30-10ish. Mom, Katie, Breezy and I met my father and Tina for breakfast at Happy Chef. The whole reason of being there was to tell my Dad about Tina. I ended up telling him cuz Tina was too afraid to. After that, we ran over to Mankato to get Katie a gift, she picked out two movies: Moulin Rouge and The Breakfast Club. She's watching them now. I got two pairs of pants - I couldn't decide which one I wanted...But, since then, we've been here, just sitting around doing nothing. Current Mood: fine, for now Current Music: somewhere I belong - linkin park (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 18th, 2004
3:32 pm	I don't know whats wrong with me. Im so tired. Tired of everything...of going places like school, home, of eating, of sleeping, of being me. I just don't want this anymore. I dont want to feel like this. No one can see the pain I feel - everyday - because I don't show it. I don't want them to see. I try to be the one you come to to be comforted. But, Im the one who needs comforting. I just need to know I can count on someone to be there, who will listen to me complain about my fucked up life, and I need someone to help me, give me advise on how to cope. I feel drained. Sorry. Faded. I don't really even know how I feel - there are so many feelings, all mixed together in my head...slowing me down, making me sick. I wish I wasn't here, I'd rather be somewhere else, far away. Somewhere no one knows who I am . I can just start all over. If only... Current Mood: melancholy Current Music: several ways to die trying - dashboard confessional (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 16th, 2004
5:24 pm	My mom came to school today to let me know that we would be staying with Grandma for a few days. I have no problem wit this at all...she was released from the hospital today around 9:30am. She looks much better. And since St. Patricl's Day is tomorrow, Breezy and I made Grandma a little bag to put things in...it's so cute!! Moving on, I just emailed Guillermo to update him with everything...I would hae much rather call him, but Mom said no. I really miss them. I want to talk to them adn tell them that I miss them but I can't. So while we are at Grandma's, maybe I'll luck out and he'll call. Hopefully. Anyway, we just came home so we could pack and stuff... Oh yeah, Katie's b-day is Friday...we're having a b-day party Saturday - WERE GOING BOWLING! Even though we do that every year...oh well. It might be fun...We'll come back here and rent movies and shit like that. Current Mood: peachy Current Music: in the end - linkin park (Comment on this)
Monday, March 15th, 2004
6:08 pm	My Grandma wasn't released from the hospital today, she got temp over night. So they kept her...she'll probably be discharged tomorrow. She looks okay, but still pale. And she is weak and tired. Johnny and I are talking and friends...awesome! He said he understands and thats good. Thats all for now... Current Mood: okay Current Music: lady marmalade - moulin rouge soundtrack (Comment on this)